December 2011
35 posts
Yes, it's December 25th where I am, what's it like living in the past maaan?
Oh, I may have, accidentally talked to the future!
Do you have flying cars?
How Cthulhu Ate Christmas.
Every fishman in Innsmouth liked Christmas a lot,
But Cthulhu, who lived in the city of R’lyeh, did NOT!
To Cthulhu, Christmas just gave him a migraine!
Don’t ask why, those who know are all dead or insane.
It could be, perhaps, his solitary confinement.
Or maybe the stars weren’t in proper alignment.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been he thought humans were all stupid and small.
But whatever the reason, the stars or his hate,
He sat in his throne room annoyed and irate.
Staring up from the abyss with a tentacled frown
At the dark, dirty windows in dark Innsmouth town.
For he knew every fishman In Innsmouth above
Were dreaming of partridges and two turtledoves.
“And they’re hanging their stockings!” He snarled with a sneer.
“Tomorrow is Christmas! It’s practically here!”
Then he growled with his tentacles nervously drumming,
“I must find some way to keep Christmas from coming!”
For tomorrow he knew all the half-human spawn
would play with their toys at the crack of dawn
Then- the noise! O, the noise, noise, noise!
“That’s the one thing I hate: all the noise, noise noise!”
Then they’ll put on their waders and they’ll all start to fish,
And they’ll fish and they’ll fish, and they’ll fish, fish, fish fish!
They’ll be fishing for salmon, for crab and for cod,
And not leave one bite for this hungry Elder god!
Then, they’ll do something I HATE most of all!
The Order of Dagon will start up a chant,
and they’ll chant and they’ll chant, and they’d chant, chant, chant, chant!
They’ll sacrifice people while stripped to the waist,
and whooping and jumping all over the place!
(Sure Cthulhu thought it was nice in the past,
but after ten thousand years it got old really fast)
And the more Cthulhu thought of this whole Christmas thing,
The more that he thought, “I must stop this whole thing!
Why for many strange aeons I’ve put up with this shit!
But how can I stop Christmas? Hmmm… wait a minute, THAT’S IT!”
So he devoured everyone and went back to sleep.
THE END.
As seen somewhere in the internet.
